For these HBCU coaches, juggling motherhood and their careers requires a daily balancing act

Howard University softball coach Tori Tyson’s workday usually begins around 5 a.m.

When Tyson arrives Howard’s campus, she grabs a truck to drive some of her players to an off-campus facility for early morning practice.

Some mornings Tyson’s 10-year-old daughter, Skylar Talley, tags along, but other mornings she prefers to stay behind at Howard’s Burr Gymnasium. 

Once workouts are over Tyson takes Skylar to school. After school Skylar meets her basketball trainer for a practice session, then Tyson spends an hour or two at the end of the day bonding with her daughter.

This is Tyson’s daily schedule during the year as she juggles her softball team and Skylar’s basketball needs. The schedule shifts if Tyson or Skylar have a game.

“We’re typically doing homework on the go, dinner on the go, and then coming home and just trying to decompress. We have about 20 minutes of not doing nothing,” Tyson told Andscape about her workday. “It’s a little hectic, but we’re typically doing basketball before school. I’m doing softball during the day.”

Tyson’s softball team broke a program record for most wins in a season, finishing 32-12 overall, and Skylar has tak​​en notice of her mother’s success.

“I get to learn how you’re supposed to treat the coach and stuff like that,” Skylar said. “Being a coach’s kid, if I really wanted to coach, I get to see how to be a coach. [I learned] you have to work hard to do what you want to do.”

The late nights, early mornings and daily grind Tyson and her daughter experience are commonplace for female coaches who have to balance motherhood and their careers. In honor of Mother’s Day, Andscape spoke with several female coaches from historically Black colleges and universities about finding a work-life balance, managing family time and creating support systems. 

These interviews have been edited for length and clarity.

TORI TYSON 

Tyson began coaching when Skylar was 18 months old. She spent time as an assistant coach at Bethune-Cookman University before taking over Howard’s softball team in 2018. Tyson balances her softball workouts and practices with Skylar’s basketball workouts and practices. 

How was it starting out coaching while having an infant daughter?

I think because I came into it with Skylar, which is different. Like, a lot of people coach first and then they get pregnant. … It’s been, like, trial and error, but the village at Bethune-Cookman is the reason why I fell in love with HBCUs. I always tell everyone, if that had not been my first experience, I don’t think I’d still be coaching.

When I first got the job at Bethune-Cookman I drove out there, got a hotel, and they had, like, a 6 a.m. workout. I didn’t want nobody to feel like giving me a job was gonna be a burden. So from the beginning my pride is like, ‘I need to show that I can do this.’ So I showed up that morning. I think that really set a statement, though, for even myself, [about] the standard that if I can make it happen, I was gonna make it happen whether I was tired or not. Skylar is going to be here. So Skylar and I were both there that morning.

When we first get into coaching, we’re trying to keep our kid out of the way, right? That’s our mindset. But for me, as I got more mature … it’s a package deal. So, I can’t hide my daughter from what’s going on here. She’s a major part of it. … So that was the standard I kept everywhere I went after that. I remember having to say to a couple of coaches, ‘If you want me at my best because I’m a good pitching coach, then I need to feel like I’m not failing as a mom.’

How do you balance that mother-daughter relationship while you’re both pursuing your passions?

The hardest part about being a single mom that people don’t realize is that there is no good cop or bad cop. You’re the only cop, and you have to figure out a way to deliver that message where they can learn it and receive it.

Softball is my space, and I’m letting basketball be hers. … I want to be Skylar’s mom before anything, not Skylar’s agent, not Skylar’s trainer, and Skylar wants her mom. There’s nothing wrong with a kid learning how to communicate their needs.

Skylar told me, ‘You are not my coach, you’re their coach. You’re my mom,’ and it humbled me. … I spend so much time away during the day. Coaching, it doesn’t end. So sometimes on that drive, I got recruits on the call. I got admin things I gotta handle, I got a player calling, and I got a parent calling. Skylar will let me know in her own way, ‘Hey, like, I need to cuddle tonight.’ She needs her mom time. I’m trying to make sure I’m more intentional about just being her mom with the time we do have.

How has motherhood helped improve your coaching?

Parents think the world of their kid. I can always understand it on one hand, because I don’t play behind Skylar. So I try to be intentional [and] I want to coach in a way I want Skylar to be coached. I want Skylar to be pushed. I don’t want somebody to pull Skylar from adversity rather tell her to lean into it. But … when she falls, I also want to know that they’re going to pick her up.

I’m always reminded that I’m dealing with somebody’s daughter, so there’s emotions that come with that. … I’m not one of those coaches that doesn’t deal with parents – I know that we’re basically co-parenting.

COURTNEY SIMMONS

Grambling State University women’s basketball coach Courtney Simmons just finished her first season leading the Tigers. Simmons is the mother of 2-year-old twin daughters named Carli and Courtlyn. Her 82-year-old grandmother, Jeanette Harrison, is her main support system and watches the girls while Simmons is at work.

How do you manage traveling during the season with two toddlers?

So when it comes to, like, road games or going recruiting where I’m going overnight or a long distance, I’m taking my twins and I’m taking my grandmother. That is a non-negotiable for me. That is how I can be my best self, knowing that they’re there. That’s my comfort knowing that, OK, when I’m done in Coach Simmons’ world, I can turn around and be Mommy right in the same breath. And so, knowing that they’re at the games and, you know, they’re watching their mom do something special – for me, that’s all the instant gratification that I need.

I’m not going anywhere without them. They’ve been traveling since they were 3 months old. … I keep a running log on my phone of all the different cities and states and just things that we’ve done with them. … They’re great in the car. They’re great on the bus. They’re used to just being in that car seat because they’re traveling. 

How has your grandmother’s support made coaching at Grambling State easier?

I think mothers in the business, in any business, and if you are in a position of power, I think you’re only going to be as good as the people around you. So I was able to literally just focus on basketball during the season because my house was taken care of.

I feel a lot of pressure to make sure that I’m considerate to [her grandmother] because it’s not easy being trapped in a house at the age of 82 with 2-year-olds all day long. … She’s literally put her whole life on hold to move up to Ruston, Louisiana, to help me with the girls.

What are some of the lessons you’ve learned from your grandmother that has helped you with motherhood?

I think the biggest thing that I’ve learned is sacrifice. My grandmother, she’s uprooted her life and has dedicated her last years on earth to helping me build a foundation with my children. … [Also] just making sure that I understand it’s no longer about me, but also I’m not losing myself in motherhood because it’s easy to do when you’re just so wrapped up in [being a] mom and working.

What advice would you give others on how to manage being a mother and a head coach?

Give yourself some grace – progress, not perfection. And I think the biggest thing with women, with Black women, we’re always having to be, ‘Oh, I’m a strong Black woman.’ Well, sometimes I want to be a princess. I don’t want to be a Power Ranger all the time. Sometimes I want to sit down somewhere, but we have been [told] by our mothers that we have to be, you know, you don’t get a day off. And I think finding a way to be at peace … and having a softer version of you is what we need to strive for.

Our mental health is important, too. Black women don’t know what depression looks like, but it’s a real thing. ’Cause you’re always just so used to, ‘I gotta go,’ and in a lot of cases a lot of mothers are taking on the role of mother, father, teacher, doctor or whatever. … You’re going to make mistakes, and it’s OK … because nobody is perfect. … I don’t always have the answers, but I’m going to try.

REGINA SMITH

Regina Smith just finished her first season as the acrobatics and tumbling coach at Morgan State University. Smith has a 13-year-old son named Langdon and a 9-year-old daughter named Olivia. After taking an eight-year hiatus from coaching following the birth of her daughter, Smith is back to coaching collegiately. Smith and her husband Jeurell juggle Smith’s meets along with their children’s extracurricular activities.

How did you find out you were becoming a mother?

I was told by a few doctors that I had a diagnosis of PCOS, polycystic ovary syndrome, which [means it] is basically hard to have fertility just due to the cysts that grow on your ovaries. Three different doctors told me that I wasn’t producing a special hormone that would allow me to have children. I remember in the spring one of my girlfriends asked me to fast, and I was like, ‘I’m not fasting from the food. I love you, but I’m not doing that.’ She was like, ‘Please just give me one week.’ So I remember giving her one week of fasting from food, and I remember praying and just telling God, ‘When you’re ready let me have children.’ Lo and behold, within those two weeks, I was pregnant.

How has being at an HBCU provided you with a family environment for your children?

My kids grew up in Ohio, and they didn’t get to see a lot of people of color that look like them in the area that we lived in. So I think being able to be at an HBCU, where they get to be cultured and get to see themselves as their best selves, gave them a lot of positivity that they, too, can be somebody. They have plenty of opportunities to see themselves in young students here on campus, and that was one of the biggest things that gravitated me toward Morgan State.

How has being a mother helped you as a coach?

I will say this: Before I had kids, I was known as a mean coach. Since I’ve had kids, I’ve learned to be a lot softer and have more grace and empathy to put myself in their positions. [Now I] really think about how I can better set them up in future years because it’s not just about the moment right now, where I think a lot of the times in my past coaching career I was in the moment and not thinking about longevity.

How were you able to find a good work-life balance?

One of the biggest things that I learned is when my son was younger I didn’t have a good work-life balance. … I felt like I didn’t get to see a lot of his younger years because I was just on the road a lot. Now, as I’ve gotten older, one of the biggest things I said was I was gonna focus on a good work-life balance for my family and putting my family first. If my child is sick, I will take the day off.

My brother passed in 2017 unexpectedly [and] I learned that life is not always promised. You don’t always get to live to see the next day, so I don’t ever want to have regrets with not having that time with my children. I don’t want to take it for granted. … That experience has taught me that my family matters most to me, and I am replaceable here at Morgan, just like any other coach is replaceable, but you can’t get those years back with your family, your kids. 

LAWANDA PEARSON

Clark Atlanta University softball coach Lawanda Pearson has coached at the HBCU for two decades. Pearson has a 28-year-old daughter named Tessence and a 13-year-old daughter named Kylee. Her youngest sister, Misty Taylor, helps her balance coaching and motherhood.

Who’s a part of your support system? How does your support system help you while you’re coaching?

My baby sister is like a million dollars to me. She is always there. When my daughter has to be picked up from school, she goes and picks her up. If she has a practice or something, she would take her to practice. She acts like a mother to them. … My sister, we’re basically 16 years apart, so we’re just like my two daughters, who are 15 years apart. But my sister has been there to help support me through every day when I didn’t have to worry about certain things. If I needed to go to the school and if I was in a meeting, she would handle it.

As a mother how do you balance softball and your daughters’ cheer schedules?

It never was difficult for me. I always made time for their events. And lucky for me, softball was not really going on when [Tessence] was cheering for the football season and basketball season. So we wouldn’t have fall practice if they had a game, and if she was cheering, I would adjust my practice knowing that I had to be at an event for her later.

I never wanted to neglect my children for my job. And I didn’t. I had one athletic director who opposed my daughter coming to the school for practice, so he was trying to get HR to implement a policy where you couldn’t take your child to work. But by the time that got pushed through, my daughter was already heading to middle school. I pretty much could make my own schedule with coaching, so I would get my daughters’ schedules and arrange my fall schedule around their schedules. 

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about balancing motherhood and coaching?

Always keep God first. That was the most important to me. … Always understand how important my family is, and then, you know, my career and winning, in that order. I think that that helped sustain me for as many years as I’ve been here.